James Whitcomb Riley and Bill Nye used to go about the country together lecturing. Once when they were traveling by train, Bill Nye, who was very fond of playing jokes on his friend, happened to spy Mr. Riley s ticket protruding from his coat pocket. He reached over and removed it without Riley s knowledge.
When the conductor entered the car for fares, Bill Nye remarked innocently, Here comes the conductor. Get out your ticker. Mr. Riley searched first in one pocket and then another, but with no success. At length he turned to his friend and explained that he had lost his ticket, and asked him for a loan since he had spent all his money buying the ticket.
Billy: I got a new little baby brother. Milly: Another one? Gee, you ve got about nineteen already, haven t you? Billy: yeah. Milly: What s his name? Billy: We called him Joe for two days. Milly: For two days? Then what happened? Billy: After two days my father and mother found out we ve already got a Joe in the family.
Little five-year-old Betty was taken to church for the first time. As she walked out of the church with her parents, the preacher stopped her, leaned over, and asked her how she liked church. I liked the music okay, said Betty, but the commercial was too long.
A lady decided to have the little neighbor boy stay for lunch one day. As the meal got under way, she watched his struggles to manipulate his knife and fork and, hoping to be helpful, finally asked him, Are you sure you can cut your steak? Oh yes, he replied. We often have it this tough at home.
The visiting governor of Maine was addressing a group of the inmates of a penitentiary. Fellow citizens, he began , then stopped short, Because they were not citizens. Fellow convicts, he began again, then realized he was again off the beam. Well, boys, he finally said, I don t know what to call you, but I m mighty glad to see so many here.
Dr. Carson Carter, noted health authority, who was to speak at the Century Club on How to keep Well, could not appear because of illness. The California (PA.) Sentinel.
A patient was convalescing from an appendectomy. A friend came to see him. How you doing? I m doing all right, but the day after the operation they opened me up again to take a sponge out of me they left in there. Yesterday they opened me up again and took out a scalpel that they forgot. Just then the doctor walked in. Has anyone seen my hat around here? He asked.
Mrs. Millie Mock broke her arm recently. She is recovering nicely under the car of Dr. Leatherman. The California (PA.) Sentinel.
An extremely nervous man carried his twins up to the baptismal font for the christening. What are the names of the little boy and girl? Asked the minister. Steak and Kidney, stuttered the embarrassed father. What? Their names, corrected the wife icily, are Kate and Sidney.